Senin, 14 Desember 2009

menang jadi abu, kalah jadi arang

mati-matian aku menyerang idealisemu
mati-matian pula aku mencoba menyadarkanmu
dengan kata-kata pedas dan susah untuk dicerna-katamu
karena kau menganggapku orang berpendidikan yang pemikirannya jauh di atasmu

mati-matian pula aku bersabar
mati-matian pula kau mengelak
mengelak dari kata-kata yang kurasa menusuk hatimu
sehingga membuatmu terdiam dengan mata berkaca-kaca seperti akan meluluhkan airmata kesedihan dan kemarahan

aku, masih mati-matian menahan kekecewaan yang terus terpendam
selalu terpendam
mati-matian

Minggu, 22 November 2009

finally itu artinya akhirnya

finally atau akhirnya, saya memutuskan untuk membuat blog saya ini sebagai blog yang multilingual, gak cuma memakai bahasa Indonesia maupun bahasa Inggris karena ternyata Bahasa inggris saya sangat-sangat lemah, terutama grammar. ckck, ironis memang. padahal saya adalah mahasiswa sastra inggris yang diharapkan mampu berbahasa inggris dengan baik dan benar malah ternyata gak bisa apa-apa dan cuma bisa bahasa indonesia. cckckck. I love my national languge and I love my mother tongue. *sihiy!!!*

ngomong-ngomong masalag bahasa, saya mempunya tugas yag cukup rumit nih, mencari bahasa pidgin dan kreole di Indonesia. ya, ini memang kerumitan yang saya bikin sendiri karena pada awalnya sayalah yang mengajukan topik ini kepada dosen saya yang rambutnya sudah beruban itu. tapi gak apalah, walaupun saya orangnya nyantai, tapi semua tugas akan saya kerjakan sebagai bentuk tanggung jawab saya.

baiklah.. selamat malam dan terimakasih bagi yang membaca.

Rabu, 16 September 2009

healthy inside fresh outside

"healthy inside fresh outside"
I can say that this proverb from one of the healthy drink's advertisement is right. today, I got a bad migraine, it is not from outer causes but it came from the inner side. I got a lot of problems and it affect in my physical health.

the best way to avoid physical's sickness is mental health.

Rabu, 09 September 2009

laut di pagi hari

pertemuan antara kematian dan awal yang baru
laut karena dia menyimpan sejuta masa lalu
dan pagi hari, saat yang bisa membuatku berpikir akan masa yang akan datang
dan aku berada di sana
laut di pagi hari

too fundamentalist

too fundamentalist they said
I don't care and try to not to think about it
but I care
I don't care
but why I become angry?
I don't care
and try to be not care about what they said
I don't care
but still I care

Minggu, 26 Juli 2009

sunny monday

This is june and the weather is hot. I compare with the weather when i was child 15 years ago, i realize that the weather both now and past are so different. I still remember when i was riding my bicycle on the street near my house, it was a nice weather with a lot of trees beside the street and i felt peacefully. And now when i ride my bicycle i feel uncomfortable due to there are no trees a long the street.

Sometimes i feel so emotional when i saw fields became cafes, forest became copra fields, and people are easily cutting down the trees. Why don't are realize that our life are depend on our environment?

Jumat, 24 April 2009

sodom

I woke up in the morning with shocked feeling following me from my unconscious. I had a bad dream last night. I went to my family’s villa near beach. I, my brother, and my boyfriend are decided fishing in that area. I got such a bad elicitation and the others got the good one. I was so jealous with them. Why they got the best and I got the worst. Fortunately, with that bad elicitation I got big fishes. And then I fished in another place, and I got a strange fish. It looked like “sapu-sapu” fish that I saw in the Ngasem market yesterday. It is yellow with many spots in its skin, and when I looked at it I feel so disgusting.

Then I took that fish in my villa. Suddenly that fish change into a boy as old as my brother. I thought that fish is “siluman” (a human who has taken the appearance of an animal for nefarious purposes) then I go inside the house to tell my parents that I got “siluman fish”. Minutes later, I went outside again then I saw that “siluman” was practicing a doggy style to my brother. It means that my brother got sexual abuse. I was panic and screamed to make my parents go outside. Not ready to see that such a scene then I woke up.

This morning is begun with miserable felling. My brother came to my room, face to face with him; I felt that he is stranger. I don’t know what that dream means. Jung said that dream contains symbols and probably it can be prediction for the future. So what this dream means? Is my brother will be a gay?? Definitely no!